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The phrase, "Dumpster Diving" can be defined two ways:
Either literally, being the concept of physically going to a dumpster and filtering through it for whatever you may be looking for.
Or metaphorically, taking the same literal concept but applying it to any action in which you are searching for something, generally with negative or subpar reviews.
"Cinematic Dumpster Diving" is a new series of articles I plan to write every other week discussing movies that I found whilst "diving". While I intentionally look for bad films (as in this case), the real objective is to hopefully find something good. What we have for ourselves today is not good, and I think upon reading the film's title and seeing that glorious thumbnail it should be made immediately obvious. "Skeleton Man" is a title I'm surprised wasn't taken by Stan Lee at this point, considering how generic it is. Released in 2004 as a TV movie on the SYFY channel, it stars Michael Rooker, Casper Van Dien, and a bunch of other actors you've never heard about.
Before I can even get to the plot, there are so many minor oddities that I can't think to mention anywhere else but here. All the dialogue sounds like it was dubbed over, the picture quality bares resemblance to those anti-alcohol documentaries they show you in 6th grade health class, and the title card explodes into CGI blood. On the topic of poor special effects, many in the film look like ones from early X-Files episodes, the soundtrack by Chris White is awkward and doesn't fit in, the film reuses so many shots you could make a game out of it, and there's a lady who claims to be a sniper specialist but never once in the movie does she use a sniper rifle. Characters have this awful habit of trying to attack the Skeleton Man with a knife, only to be sent running after realizing it won't work, and then dying. It happens like 4 times in the movie and got old after the first. The film had a really large crew and budget ($2 Million!) which contrasts heavily with the film's quality. Anyways lets get to the synopsis.
So what about the plot? Although I'm disappointed that the film takes a more simple approach instead of trying something unique and catastrophically failing, it did work out in the end in making the film at least (barely) watchable. The movie starts with an archeologist examining artifacts before he is killed by the antagonist of the film, Skeleton Man. Shocking I know. The archeologist's assistant runs through the woods before finding a power substation. She goes inside and is found by one of the workers and Skeleton Man. The worker, who for some reason has a shotgun and a flare in his tool bag, attempts to dispatch the skeleton man but misses every shot point-blank range and rightfully dies. The woman also just dies without any real conflict. The next scene has two "soldiers" running through the woods. The reason I have soldiers in quotes is because they seem to just be wearing civilian outfits with camo-colored harnesses. Anyway, they get killed but not before one of them sends a video to someone in a decision-making position in which he unironically says, "God help you". These bottom-feeder tier horror movies really need to stop dropping that line because it just never works.
From here we are introduced to our main cast of characters, who quite literally introduce themselves to each other (and the viewer) by their name and role. These people are apparently special forces, but they did not convince me of that for a second. They watch the video that the soldier from earlier sent. They continue walking and walking. They walk some more before talking about something nobody cares about, and then they continue walking until they find who is supposed to be a Native American man. I say "supposed to" because it's just a white guy in a really cheap wig. Anyway, he, I kid you not, starts the conversation by saying "Beans is good, you just warm them up, and they're good to go," before asking them if they have beans. Conveniently, our group happens to have a can of beans before he gives them the Skeleton Man's backstory. Hoping for absolutely any big drama, audiences are met with nothing crazy or supernatural. It's just some Native American guy who cashed out 400 years ago and decided to kill his whole tribe. What was the mans name you ask?
Cottonmouth Joe.
No, I'm not joking. That's actually his name in this movie. For the rest of the article, I'll keep calling him Skeleton Man because if I actually refer to him as Cottonmouth Joe I'll be the one who crashes out next. Anyway, our characters walk some more until one of them splits from the group and then gets killed.
They keep walking some more until it becomes night time. One of the group members dies, another group member probably dies too I just forgot about them. The one death I didn't forget about is Casper Van Dien's death. (I don't remember the characters name and don't expect me to). By the way this whole movie takes place in the woods of North Carolina, anyway Dien steals a gas truck, which has to be illegal even for the US military, sees the Skeleton Man on the road, attempts to run him over, ("special" forces) crashes the gas truck, it explodes, and then he thankfully dies for being a buffoon. Some other people die, in probably stupid ways. The group has many engagements with the Skeleton Man that don't matter because he's invincible to gunshot wounds. You think these "special" forces folks would understand this sooner and save the ammo but oh well. The sniper lady, who doesn't have a sniper rifle, gets her head exploded by a single punch from the Skeleton Man. Another guy runs out of ammo and charges at the skeleton man while screaming like a barbarian. After that, Michael Rooker and some other lady are the only ones left alive and they start walking through the woods again until they find a chemical plant that the Skeleton Man has supposedly raided and is still within. Michael Rooker volunteers to go in and finish off Cottonmouth Joe. (I had to say it once) He does so by trapping him in the generator room before running out as the facility explodes, and then the movie just abruptly ends.
You may have noticed that the Skeleton Man plays a limited role in the plot synopsis above. I'm sure all the Skeleton Man fans out there are frothing at the mouth as well. He does do a lot in the movie, I just wanted to dedicate it all into one section. For starters, Skeleton Man has one of the most dynamic arsenals I've ever seen for a slasher villain. In the movie, he uses an axe, a spear, throwing knives, a medieval era sword, a bow and arrows, a small club, superhuman strength, and an MI34 minigun. Okay, I was kidding with that last one, but this movie could do it and I wouldn't be surprised, but the problem of inconsistent weaponry applies to the main characters as well. The armory isn't the only inconsistency with Cottonmouth Joe, (I did it again) his apparel quality shifts as well, often between shots within the same scene. Sometimes it looks as if he has draped himself in a black heavy duty trash bag, other times it looks like a tattered and ripped cloth cloak. Sometimes it looks like cheap vegan leather.
I've heard before that a slasher villain with unclear motivations makes them scarier. This film I have to imagine was made as rebuttal to that claim, because Skeleton Man just kind of does whatever he wants and instead of making him more eerie it just makes him look like an idiot. He actively goes out of his way to kill random people instead of our main cast. Near the start of the film, he actually raids a military facility and kills six servicemen on screen (not counting the ones he kills later in the movie) I think now I should mention his main means of dispatching his enemies. I'm guessing Skeleton Man was a cavalry officer back in the day, because he spends most of the movie riding around on horseback, teleporting. Yeah he can teleport, and it's always accompanied by an eagle screeching sound effect and the previously mentioned X-Files tier CGI. Funny enough the horse changes throughout the movie as well, either being a black one or a brown one, and like his outfits, sometimes it happens between shots. His face is also inconsistent. Sometimes it's a plastic mask, other times it'll be painted on. While you were reading the plot synopsis, you probably thought the chemical plant part was a little out of nowhere. Well, while Skeleton Man was attacking the group, he decided to just stop doing that and then go attack some random chemical facility. I imagine the only reason for this was so they could blow him up inside the facility, which as far as we knew prior, doesn't work. But it does here for some reason, and like I said the movie just abruptly ends.
Now when it comes to rating this film I look at it from two perspectives. The film is objectively terrible and all other critics thankfully agree, with a pitiful 5% on rotten Tomatoes. But it is also exactly what I'm looking for when my objective is quote on quote "dumpster diving". And like all expeditions into public waste centers, you always come out a little dirty, so until the week after, I need a quick metaphorical shower.
Gunner Farrell is a member of the Poudre Press and focuses on writing critiques and analysis on popular media such as film and video games. He does a bi-weekly series where he covers obscure films that are typically bad.
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