Blonde: For the addicted, traumatized, and heartbroken Pt. 1

One of the most critically acclaimed albums in the 21st century, blonde. Striking a chord within all of those with trauma, going through a breakup, those who yearn for the past or yearn for something more. The deep emotions surgically being discussed and tuned throughout this album is powerful. In this article I am going to go off of my personal thoughts which have changed the more I listen. While you may not understand it on the first, third or tenth listen. This masterpiece will grow on you, the more you listen, the more you understand and the less you understand. This album takes you to an indescribable place. Listen to it with your entirety, it’ll take you to a matterless place taking control of your mind, body, and soul. It impacts you to a point where you lose feeling, trapped within your mind where only vague memories are present. I cannot give this album enough praise and eagerly urge anyone and everyone who has loved something or someone to give it a listen. Exploring these complex topics with recurring metaphors, such as summer ending, long drives, and smoking. Create your own opinion and let it be influenced by your experiences. As with all music we may listen to the same tracks but internalize them differently, this can’t be more true than with this record.

Nikes:

Immediately attacking the materialistic views of many with “These bitches want Nikes/ they looking for a check/… need a ring like Carmelo”(Frank Ocean). Ocean expresses his disgust towards these other ‘fake’ people who don't really care for him. They want what he can provide, the ring, Nikes, and money. Later saying “But the real ones/ Just like you,” (Frank Ocean). He wants something real, and expresses his sadness because the other people don’t have the same effect as the one he wants. This feeling of the genuine and ingenuine will continue to play, going beyond relationships, platonic or romantic to intoxication and pleasure.  “You must be on that white like Othello” (Frank Ocean). First referencing you must be on that white relating to drugs, a consistent theme that will play throughout the album. Othello, is a protagonist in the Shakespearean play Othello, Tragedy in five acts. Othello explores themes of jealousy, betrayal, and racism. Taking place in a predominately white Venetian society, Othello, a Black man, struggles with his self identity hence “on that white.” Throughout the play Othello struggles with jealousy believing that his wife Desdemona is cheating with a colleague. Desdemona’s perceived betrayal takes a large tole on Othello. These insecurities inevitably lead to the downfall and death of Othello. Frank Ocean references Othello because the message is similar. Ocean claims this partner is like Othello, letting their own insecurities send them into a downward spiral. Playing a consistent theme where this character will assume they're being cheated on when it's just their own thoughts and insecurities. Even with this criticism towards them, Ocean shows similarities to Othello, his insecurities of wanting to be the only one. Ocean will pay respects to people who have passed “Pour up for A$AP, R.I.P. Pimp C/ R.I.P. Trayvon”(Ocean). This line pays homage to A$AP Yams, Pimp C, and Trayvon, all very influential members to the hip-hop community. After the 2:20 mark on this track the message will slightly switch. The confusion between not knowing how others feel about you, that awkward in-between where you don’t know a person’s opinion of you. The next verse Ocean will use a tone which will represent both his deep interpersonal feelings and his partners feelings. Using double-speak, stating, “He don’t care for me/ But he cares for me” and later “Don’t talk much or nothin’/But when we talkin’ ‘bout somethin’/ We have a good discussion” (Ocean). These very conflicting feelings are confusing, but Ocean will take this looking towards the future, “We’ll let you guys prophesy” (Ocean). Put simply, Frank Ocean is saying everyone else can judge and guess what is going to happen and form between the two. He doesn’t care and takes the future head on where he is going to “Living so the last night feels like a past life” or living in the present (Ocean). Living his life to the fullest and wants “character” to care for him. Showing Ocean being genuine and craving this genuine connection only believing that it’s possible when living in the moment. Ocean will later reference that he will still “look after you” even though he “may be younger” and will still “mean something to you” (Ocean). Frank Ocean putting his heart out on a string, practically begging this character to let him love them and in turn hopes that they’ll love him back. Finishing the song with “He’ll hear what we do/It’s only awkward if you’re fucking him too” (Ocean). Going back on the jealousy and insecurities that play a role in his relationship as first referenced through “Othello” in the beginning of the song. The intro concludes leaving key themes that continue to play through the album, the addiction and influence that drugs will take, the delicate balance between the ingenuine and genuine. More prominently, caring for others and the relationship between ocean and this character, additionally playing an underlying role of jealousy and insecurity rooting itself deep into relationships. 

Ivy:

The name of Ivy takes on its own message, where Frank Ocean references Ivory which takes on a double entendre. Ivory being common slang for cocaine, the comparison between Ivy, a poisonous plant to Ivory, a luxurious item. The comparison between them will represent the toxic and fake parts to a relationship, Ivy, to the real, genuine parts to a relationship in Ivory which will play throughout the rest of the track and album. Proceeding to take the story of Frank Ocean following the breakup talking to his ex, although not directly. “I thought that I was dreamin’ when you said you love me/ The start of nothin’”(Ocean). The nostalgic feeling that Ocean reminisces on, missing the beginnings of their relationship, referred to as the honeymoon stage. All the memories leave a sour bitter feeling, as it amounted to nothing. Feeling pointless and all the feelings are destroyed and empty. As with most breakups, people a lot of the time have a significant disdain for their former partner. Ocean feels the need and want to feel this way but doesn’t, he, “Could hate you now” and it’s “Alright to hate me now” although feeling this need, “the feeling still deep down is good” (Ocean). In allowing his partner to hate him, he acknowledges his mistakes and failures. Referring to the beginning of the relationship saying “We didn’t give a fuck back then/ I ain’t a kid no more/ We’ll never be those kids again” (Ocean). As Frank Ocean progresses into adulthood, He will miss the free effortless nature of childhood. Missing the joyous feelings of how it used to be. Acknowledging it won’t ever be the same and for better or worse, they are maturing. While the free nature and the, “living so the last night feels like a past life,” may be gone. Remembering the little moments and how the love was, “sincere back then” and how much Ocean “meant to” the partner (Ocean). This line relates further than just the love felt within the relationship and will extend much further to the worry and the fake trust felt. It used to feel “sincere” and now it isn’t as obvious. While unclear in the track, Ocean likely will enter friendships and future relationships wondering how the feelings had switched from notably good to this unclear middle ground. Curious as to the difference between the genuine and the ingenuine. 

Pink + White:

In the most played song from the album, racking up a staggering 1.6 billion streams on Spotify, an uplifting beat will take center stage. Taking up a “never-ending summer” ideal to explore topics that are difficult to discuss.  “If the sky is pink and white/ if the ground is black and yellow” (Frank Ocean). Black and yellow, on the long drives with pink sunset the perfect summer. Inversely the specific colors point to another meaning, combining with the childhood ideas presented in the rest of the song, “pink and white” can refer to his innocence. Although, not directly presented in the album with this innocence and light will come a darker side, shown in later songs, “black and yellow” points to caution and danger of what is coming at them. Even with the warning signs, the inevitable is yet to come. Pointing to summer, referring to, “cannonball off the porch side” along with, “dark skin of a summer shade” (Frank Ocean). In a recurring chorus, “Just the same way you showed me, showed me/ you showed me love” (Frank Ocean). Ocean will connect the “never-ending summer” idea of his youth to his past relationships.  How good and magical it has been, “this is life, life immortality” (Frank Ocean). Summer’s ending, while amazing, is only memories now. While catchy, the song serves as an introduction to a lot of the metaphors, long drives, and never-ending summers. 

Be Yourself:

The first interlude on the album gives a crystal clear message, Be yourself. This interlude formulates itself into a message from Ocean's Mom. She tells him, “Don’t try and be someone else/be yourself and know that that’s good enough” (Frank Ocean). She exclaims that the people going to college and getting addicted to drugs, lose themselves along the way. The only thing that marijuana will do is make you “sluggish, lazy, stupid, and unconcerned” (Frank Ocean). The Unconcerned part is what is most intriguing. The love and care Frank Ocean has shown in the previous songs is how much he cares, even unrequited. He has concern over his past lovers, in becoming unconcerned he will lose himself. The following songs, especially Solo, present a juxtaposition. Ignoring even with his mother's warning he takes a variety of drugs, in the very next song and says “gone off tabs of that acid” but he will still care, he doesn’t become unconcerned. If anything he will care more, his passion and love will supersede the depressive drugs such as marijuana, this will become much more apparent in the rest of the album.

Solo:

A personal favorite, very easy to scream at the top of your lungs cruising windows down ignoring the deeper meaning, however, that will only reinforce the meaning. The highs and lows of this song follow Ocean desperately attempting to entertain himself, ignoring any peace. Looking at it objectively it appears that he has lost his mind. “Hand me a towel I’m dirty dancing by myself/Gone off tabs of that acid/form me a circle, watch my jagger/Might lose my jacket and hit a solo”(Frank Ocean). He is dancing in a circle, on acid by himself, and is asking people who aren’t there to form a circle and watch his jagger. It’s almost as if he is mindlessly entertaining himself as he has lost feeling, and wants to feel those deep emotions like joy again. Granted, this sounds like I am counteracting the argument I made in the last track and paragraph that he doesn’t become unconcerned. In this attempt to drown out the pain and entertain himself by feeling nothing, he still will think on the relationship showing his care and love. Again, referencing the, “endless summer” ideal shown in pink and white, now they are “outside and the timing’s perfect” (Frank Ocean). A wave of guilt befalls him. In not appreciating them enough he, “Forgot to tell” them “how much [He] vibe[s] with” them. I am sure we have all heard the phrase ‘you don’t know what you have until it’s gone’ This is Ocean’s version of that. Maybe he should have been more appreciative and then he wouldn’t feel like he, “gotta be solo” (Frank Ocean). This can serve as encouragement to show your appreciation to the people around you, friends, relationships, or anything you appreciate. However, only telling someone you appreciate them to keep them and not be “solo” is selfish. In this song Ocean will take the approach that he should’ve to keep them, although it takes out the meaning which Ocean will find later on. Following this, Ocean slips back into reality and the lows that he is feeling. “Now stay away from highways/my eyes like them red lights” (Frank Ocean). This has two main meanings I have found, saying his eyes are red can refer to him being high and the extreme amounts of marijuana he has taken. Conversely, Ocean could have related his eyes to anything else but specifically to break lights on a highway. Highways are inherently dangerous but manageable, why would Ocean stay away if it was a faster route? Many people every year struggle with suicide and Ocean will relay his own experiences. Even with the smoking and other drugs he has taken, he is terrified by this idea of killing himself on the highway taking over. He stays away to preserve himself. Suicide balances on a weird tightrope where even with being scared of death shown by him steering away from highways, he still feels this way and knows that a split-second decision would erase all the work he's put towards it. This line goes past just highways staying away from the dangers and things that might hurt even if it feels good in one moment. Reinforcing this point, Ocean comes to his senses and retracts what he said just a few lines earlier. He says, “think we were better off solo” which is the opposite of, “we don’t gotta be solo” realizing that maybe he should stay away from the “highways” it might be for the better. Immediately taking another climb up with, “No trees to blow through/but blow me and I owe you/Two grams when the sunrise” trees referring to weed (Frank Ocean). Attempting to bargain with her, saying I don’t have weed for you but I can get you better for a little pleasure at the moment. Keep this “no trees to blow through” line in mind as it comes up later on the track, at this moment he remembers not having trees but his partner is still with him. He will dip back into the present with them being gone and is “smoking good, rolling solo” he has no one to smoke with (Frank Ocean). The following repeating “Solo, Solo” serves as a double entendre, one solo meaning alone, in the other being so-low. Continuing in segments throughout the rest of the song. Continuing this longing claiming that it is, “hell on earth and the city’s on fire” his Earth is hell, it’s torture (Frank Ocean). It appears that this city isn’t real and it’s his mind that’s fried, crazed, and on fire. Simultaneously, in the mental state sense and a drug-induced stance. Presenting another triple entendre he will say “Inhale, Inhale,  that’s heaven” A blatant answer here is him smoking to find peace and his heaven(Frank Ocean). Inhale also can be interpreted as taking a deep breath, it's going to be okay. However, looking deeper inhale sounds similar to in hell singing “in hell, in hell, there’s heaven”. Maybe confusing for some. but it's his way of showing being accustomed to the pain. The torture he’s walking through in his hell allows him to feel something and feel deep emotions while it may seem crazy to want that pain, “it’s heaven” as he longs for it, even though it is unhealthy. “There’s a bull and a matador dueling in the sky” drawing a connection between his conflicting emotions  and sense of judgement to bullfighting (Frank Ocean). Instinctively Ocean will know the right answer in his gut, as the bull never wins. It’s the dance his emotions will play even he instinctively knows it causes a battle within his chaotic mind. The fiery bull holds out hope. The next verse describes his disorderly and unkempt state. He’s “Skipping showers and switching socks” finding difficulty in caring for himself (Frank Ocean). The lethargic feeling, he also struggles getting out of bed, and his bones, “dense as fuck” (Frank Ocean).  Comparing the breakup to a strike as he will, “wish a n**** would cross” and get back with him. He waits on a call, “staying up till his phone died” but they never call, they don’t cross the picket line. Furthering the idea of a picket line in a couple of lines earlier saying “ain’t shit free,” saying, “even love ain’t, cause it’s enough cost, that clinic kill my soul” (Frank Ocean). He put his entire soul and being into this person and now that they’re gone he’s lost a major part of him. Likely a large reason he has relied on weed to glaze over this missing hole in his personality. This line will form two meanings; the first being what I just laid out. The second being a child, shown through “clinic” and “baby momma.” Ocean will still say, “you gotta hit the pussy raw though” and going beyond sex he’s taking a little essential pleasure in the moment even if he suffers the consequences later (Frank Ocean). This action by Frank Ocean will show how he is living in the moment capturing the essence of each passing second, the highs are good enough to suffer the lows.  One of the most beautiful parts of this song is the parallel he draws between the relationship and weed. Earlier in the song when he reminisces about the relationship it is clear he “doesn’t have trees to blow through” but will ask his partner for pleasure. By the end of the song he has “trees to blow through, but it’s just me and no you” (Frank Ocean). While this can correlate to him choosing drugs over his partner, I see it as the little things reminding him of them. The weed he would have smoked with them, the activities that he wanted to do. As this track will come to a close and our lungs can take a breath from belting out lyrics, there is meaning in the catchiness of it. In singing your lungs out ignoring the meaning, you're doing exactly what Frank Ocean is, sitting in mindless entertainment to find the joy in ignoring the past trauma, attempting to feel the joyous feelings, just like Ocean in the beginning dirty dancing by himself off that acid. 

Skyline to:

A nice break from the deep meanings between Solo, and Self Control it will show his chaotic mind jumping from thought to thought. This track will serve as a reset point to the metaphors he's making referring to summer and childhood ending, in turn also relating that to the day ending as sunset crosses to sunrise. Additionally, making references to the long drives. “That’s a pretty long third gear in this car” third gear isn’t particularly fast its him cruising likely traveling through the mountains when “deer run across” and taking place “underneath moonlight” (Frank Ocean). In the song the difference between hearing gear as opposed to year is negligible. Hearing “that’s a pretty long third year in this car” will take the place of the relationship. For Ocean it’s crazy that it’s been three years, although mostly smooth staying in third gear even if he wants to be “glidin’ on the five,” the smooth nature going up and down side to side in the mountains show the smooth progression of the relationship taking those highs and those lows smoothing the gap over them. In relating the end of the day to childhood fading away “on comes the evening, gold seeking ends/ peace in my hand worth twice than a friend/and two limbs over shoulder, carried away” (Frank Ocean). With the sunset coming it’s still beautiful where it might be over and as Ocean will choose inner peace over companionship it’s still lighting up the sky. He will let that burden and weight be taken away with two limbs over shoulder. Ending this song as, “comes the morning.” It’s a new beginning and he will realize that he needs to wake up, the drive is over. 

Self Control:

”Poolside convo about your summer last night” summers ending and leaves Ocean wondering what could've been. While Ocean never gave, “you no play” not quite regretful but wonders if he could, “make it shive on the last night” (Frank Ocean). This sexual curiosity is interesting exclaiming to “be the boyfriend in your wet dreams tonight” (Frank Ocean). In the following line even with both parties wanting it why is their morality prohibiting the action. Referencing a wedding “Little virgin wears the white” and because of her religion prevented them(Frank Ocean). This is intriguing because the “noses on a rail” irony leaves Ocean pondering (Frank Ocean). A blonded life can refer to the innocence and purity specifically of youth, and with them ‘cutting their hair’ they lost that and emerged into a new phase. Hair holds memories is a popular saying and this reinforces that. He will, “wish [he] was there” and will, “wish we’d grown up on the same advice and our time was right” hoping to help this partner through this chaotic time (Frank Ocean). Similarly in Nikes, Ocean will again use a change of tone to show his really deep interpersonal feelings and his partners feelings. The voice says, “keep a place for me, for me,” wanting to still be remembered and impacted (Frank Ocean). Even though it's clear to us that Frank Ocean cares about this person, how could they know the extent of it. In the following verse reverting back to Ocean’s voice exclaiming that they never visit each other. They rarely visit each other even if the initial feelings and enjoyment they shared made them “lose my self-control” to Ocean it seems crazy that he was once the craziest part of someone's life to hoping to be remembered. As the song will come to a close, the heavy heart is evermore present. “I, I, I know you gotta leave, leave, leave” the stutter along with advice of taking down some summertime hoping that they will stay (Frank Ocean). He knows someone else is there but wishes it was him. Self control is about controlling yourself, with reason and demeanor. No matter how badly you want it or how strong it used to be. Have to restrain yourself because it isn’t about you. 

Good Guy:

Starting off the track with a blind date, that's what his dating life has boiled down to. The attachment he will still feel even though he didn’t know what he looked like before this date. It’s clear to Ocean true or not that the interactions mean much more to him than his date. To his date “it’s just a late night out” (Frank Ocean). Ocean falls into this rut where he removes this value from himself, not allowing him to feel valued. These unreciprocated feelings are difficult to navigate through. In the ending part of the song is an interlude, where an undefined character is claiming to be desired previously but no longer. This could be the opposite side of Ocean’s date where he says “jasmine fucking wrecked my heart” and he is put in this situation feeling lost and doesn’t “even know how to even feel about b-” (Frank Ocean). It isn’t Ocean’s fault for not being valued, as his date is hurting just as much. It will highlight the different ways we will cope as people, while it’s easy push Ocean’s way of coping to a higher regard in still loving others. It’s almost ignorant. After the first blind date he’s already crushed he doesn’t mean anything without giving enough time to allow the feelings and deep emotions to develop. Leaving a lot of pressure on his date, who thought he “ain’t got bitches no more” unaware of the feelings that Frank Ocean had for him(Frank Ocean). The lack of communication and uncertainty in it all leaves us with a paranoia and creates a fear out of nothing. 

Nights:

The first half of Nights will talk about the anger over someone being more popular and extending off of self-control and good guy, where Ocean will feel that the relationship between them means more to himself than it does to his partner. His resentment grows significantly. “Everybody needs you/No, you can’t make everybody equal,” is showing how everybody loves this person and he doesn’t feel needed or desired by them (Frank Ocean). This unshakeable feeling that the importance of this friendship/relationship is unkept by Ocean. He is the only one putting effort into this companionship. This anger formulates to question the strength of their other friendships, “you don’t even get nobody bein’ honest with you,” in this he will attempt to put his value and why he should be of greater importance (Frank Ocean). He will say his, “whole body see-through” begging for this companionship how he is honest and is assuming he is the only honest person of their friends. He runs off the basis that he is the only genuine person connecting to “handmade” (Frank Ocean). Completely lacking trust here “I don’t trust ‘em anyways” this insecurity of the strength of his friendships (Frank Ocean). This hypocrisy claims to be the most genuine. He tears down his partner's other friendships, and can’t feel confident in the relationship putting significant pressure on the other person. It’s hard to blame him for this, it’s clear he’s hurting, but how does this help him? Offering up a solution he says, “If I get my money right, you know I won’t need you” trying to put his importance above others hoping that will restore the security in his friendships (Frank Ocean). It won’t take a genius to realize how unhealthy this is. Ocean himself will realize how dangerous this is, even if he is successful in this. If this becomes a reality they “Can’t keep up a conversation, can’t nobody reach you” at a certain level Ocean believes that as the quantity of friendships goes up the quality goes down (Frank Ocean). In this realization, he finds that the friendship/relationship has died, whether or not it is the conclusion he came to. “Call me from a Séance?/ you are from a past life” some of the examples claiming it's dead (Frank Ocean). This lack of effort towards it is a complete turn-around to the beginning of the song. Although wishes them well, resentment shines past. Reverting back to what the beginning of the song held on as Ocean says he is “head first” and he has already been “head first” (Frank Ocean). Trying to persuade this person into believing he’s the only genuine person out there and should be respected for it. The next verse is particularly powerful as it shows Ocean slowly losing control and the song will take you with it. He references this feeling to a “Quaalude” or having “No sleep” (Frank Ocean). As the verse trails on the beat gradually rises and becomes more of a focus as Ocean lyrics get harder and harder to comprehend. It's this “everyday shit” that Ocean will continue referencing how difficult it has been for him (Frank  Ocean). He wants to feel this sense of peace, in referencing “Wanna see nirvana, but don’t want to die” Nirvana is a state in Buddhism of essential peace right before death (Frank Ocean). This chaos he can’t handle, desiring  peace, unable to handle the day to day, but scared of death. The beat will slightly change as does Ocean's tone, with a large breath in. He goes into how much he misses them, “missin’ all my night/ still got some good nights memorized” going as far to hope there's still a chance with “and the look back’s gettin’ me right” (Frank Ocean). It’s this level of hope that kills him, what’s been filling him with anger, happiness and is largely why his mind is on fire and chaotic. Following this is a long section of the beat, for me the world goes silent hearing the words fading out into the beat as it draws louder and louder. The beat will drop and take you. It is drinking water after an exercise, taking a deep breath after swimming, and that moment finally submitting an assignment.  Marking the exact half-way point in the album, the meaning will switch. 

Summary:

Ocean will explore many complex ideas of growing up, lost loves, and insecurities with himself. Largely using summer ending as an analogy that his relationship is over, and he has to grow up and progress into adulthood. Forcing his hand balancing on both sides confused the genuine vs. ingenuine. This search he is on for essential peace, the feeling again. Searching through various drugs, blind dates, and long drives. Struggling through suicide, wondering if that's how he gets his peace. Completely lost in himself trying to find footholds. This first half sets the stage, we realize his emotions and how hurt he is. While it is very easy to relate to him, at some point or another we have to look in ourselves and see our errors. It is selfish to use this first half as excuses for the dangerous behavior we so often give ourselves. 

Turtle Modesitt is a senior here at Poudre High. Outside of school, his interests include skiing, rafting, and being outdoors. Post-graduation he plans on traveling the world and taking a gap year before eventually going back to school. Taking a large interest in school his column will dive into the meaning and influence of albums focusing heavily on the HipHop and RnB genres